For the first time in my life, I held bitter resentment toward my Asian exterior. I suppose it has been something burning inside me, but it came into full effect yesterday while on the bus. Nothing out of the ordinary, but I just broke. Typical looks and conversations arose…
Random person: Where you from?
Me: America
RP: No, where you really from?
Me: I was born in America, but my parents are Korean
RP: Ah…Korea! I no tell different…China, Japan, Korea…all same same.
Me: (insert fake smile and look away)
RP: (stares at me the entire bus ride home)
I jumped off the bus, annoyed, but not more than usual…when a Filipina walks alongside me, talking loudly on the phone. (I thought “ugh, typical asian…”) But then, she’s dressed like a first class slut! Not to offend any of my Filipino friends, but many of the Filipina ladies here are prostitutes…which often leads men to think that I am a prostitute as well. (Since we all fall withing the "Asian" category.) On a daily basis, men will slow down there cars offering rides, follow me around markets, ask me to join them upstairs when I’m waiting outside a friend’s building, and on rare occasions follow me to my apt building where the security guard will have to tell them to buzz off… I’ve learned to ignore these events and take them in as the “norm” but yesterday, I was so angry and had bitter hatred toward the lady on the phone! I sped up my walk so others around me would not associate me with her…and then, I pass by two older Chinese women waiting at a taxi stand. They were (loudly) chatting away while one was poking and prodding through her friend’s hair pulling out gray strands… !!!! *
…and within that moment… I HATED my face. I wanted to have blond hair and blue eyes. I did not want to be associated with the Asian culture whatsoever…and I understood MJ (may he rest in peace).
Love,
Hannah…
*I am in no way blaming these events on the Chinese ladies or the Filipina…because I am well aware that Koreans often act in the same way… I am categorizing Asians in general.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Oooh, I saw some ladies on the street today that fit this description of a "first class slut" ... I mean, fish net stockings and high heeled boots on the streets of Abu Dhabi! Brave girl! :)
ReplyDeletenever figured you for a racist ;)
ReplyDeleteseriously though, just like with MJ it's not the fault of asians, but the society and the circumstance.
and why would you want to be blond with blue eyes, that's so boring